The First Session Jitters: What If Therapy Feels Scary

"what if I don't know what to say?"

by Jackie,

First Session

You know how it is, you spend ages thinking about something, talking about it, researching it and then finally, you do it.

You get yourself referred or you refer yourself for counselling or therapy! Ah, that’s better, I’m on my way to feeling better now.

All that overthinking, anxiety, depression, mood swings and struggling with you past? Gone - therapy will sort it.

But then you get a reply from MindMosaic. They’re asking more questions, wanting to know more about me, my history, what I’ve been through, my mental health and how I’m coping. I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with this, why do they need to know? Who is actually looking at these forms? But I push through, I make myself fill it in and send it back. It’s part of the process, right? I have choices, I can pay for my sessions, or I can make a contribution and see someone.

Then I find out I might get a phone call to talk it through and make a plan. A complete stranger might call me up and ask me more stuff on the phone! But I agree, I want to feel better right?

They arrange a time and then they call. It was only 10 minutes, and they didn’t really ask me anything deep or triggering, it means I can move on to the next stage.

But then I have to wait. In that time, it keeps going round in my head – am I doing the right thing? Will this help? Who am I going to see? What if they know me? What if they judge me? What if they can’t “fix me”? A million thoughts running through my head. It’s making me more anxious!

Then I get that call offering me my first appointment. I’m excited and terrified at the same time.

There’s more forms to fill in and send back then next week I meet my therapist! It’s a lot. All the thoughts and emotions are getting out of control, then I feel nothing, then I’m overwhelmed again. And I’ve not even got there yet! Sleep the night before my session? Not a chance.

But when I got up that first morning, I went into the reception and met a nice smiley person, all they asked was my name.

Then my counsellor came out and met me, they told me their name and took me into the room. They had read all the forms I had filled in, so now I knew why I had to give so much information, but rather than tell me they asked me to tell them what I wanted them to know. I knew I was going to be with this same person in this same room so I felt more comfortable now that I wasn’t imagining and worrying about what they would be like and what to expect. I was still struggling with talking, but that wasn’t a problem, I could take my time and only say what I wanted. My counsellor explained what their version of counselling was and we agreed how we would sit and talk. It was different to what I’d heard or what I expected.

On that first day I was really nervous and then I wasn’t and then I was again. But my counsellor accepted me and gave me space to decide how I wanted to be. It was tough, but now that I was here, I felt I had done the right thing. I even had a wee bit of hope that things might change. It’s up to me.

All of the above is written from my perspective as a therapist working with different clients over the years and what they have shared with me about their first sessions. But it is also from my own experience of the first session I had with my first therapist and then very similar to my experience with my next counsellor a few years later.

If any of this sounds familiar or resonates with you - you are not alone! If your experience or worries about your first session are different, that’s ok too, we all experience life very differently. There are no right or wrong ways to feel. It is perfectly natural to feel or experience some kind of anxiety or discomfort, or to shut down totally when you are meeting with a stranger for the first time to discuss the most difficult, personal and deepest aspects of your life. We therapists know everyone is different; we are human and will be as welcoming and accepting as we possibly can be.

I recently worked with a client in John Wood Street, Port Glasgow (we offer sessions in John Wood Street and Craig End Resource Centre for those living towards that part of Inverclyde). She had been petrified about counselling and had gone as far as being referred before, but she finally took the huge step to come in for sessions. After a really productive set of sessions, I asked her about her first session weeks before, she said:

“I was absolutely terrified to the point where I felt sick. I was worried about opening a can of worms and not being able to close it. But that turned into a bottle I can live with and put the lid on when I want. I knew I needed help and made myself go. Every week I came the feelings got better and better and better, I’m so glad I came, one thousand percent” - shared with client’s consent (MJ, Port Glasgow).

She was happy to share this quote as she got a lot from our work together, and was so pleased she made it through the door that first day. I was too.