When “I don’t want to be here” means more than one thing

World Suicide Prevention Day - Your Life Matters!

by Elaine,

Why World Suicide Prevention Day is personal to me.

As a therapist, I have had the privilege of sitting alongside people during some of the most painful and vulnerable moments of their lives. But my understanding of suicide does not come only from professional training or from the therapy room. I also have personal experience of losing people I have known to death by suicide.

Those losses stay with you.

They are also part of what keeps me passionate about the people I can support in the present. The person sitting in front of me today who may be struggling to find a reason to stay. The person who feels exhausted by life. The person who quietly says, “I don’t want to be here”.

We need to understand the story behind the words.

Suicidal thoughts do not exist in isolation.

When we talk about suicide prevention, we also need to talk about intersectionality, which is the way different parts of a person’s life experiences, identity and circumstances overlap.

Coming from an area affected by deprivation can shape your experience of the world. Poverty, financial insecurity, unemployment, poor housing, community violence, stigma and reduced access to opportunities can create pressures that accumulate over many years.

Add childhood trauma, abuse, neglect, loss or instability and a person may already be carrying wounds long before the difficulties of adult life arrive.

Then there are the traumas happening now: bereavement, relationship breakdown, financial pressures, caring responsibilities, loneliness, chronic stress, poor physical or mental health, discrimination or simply feeling that life has become too difficult. These experiences do not sit neatly in separate boxes. They intersect.

“I don’t want to be here anymore”

Hearing what is underneath.

As therapists, professionals, friends, families and communities, we need to be willing to hear those words without immediately turning away from them. As human beings we try to fix or rescue the person by saying things like “it will be ok, do this”. Advice giving is not helpful it adds more pressure, instead a phrase like “I am here, let us be with these feelings together” can make someone feel listened to.

“I can’t keep living with this pain.”

“I can’t see how anything will change.”

“I feel like a burden.”

“I’m exhausted.”

“I can’t see another way.”

Understanding the story behind the words does not minimise suicide risk. It helps us see the whole person, rather than reducing someone to a risk assessment, diagnosis or crisis.

The importance of the present.

The people I have lost cannot be brought back, but I carry their memories with me.

Those experiences strengthen my commitment to the people who are here right now.

There can be enormous power in being present with another human being and saying through our words and our actions: “I hear you. I believe in your pain. You don’t have to hide your thoughts and feelings here. Let us find a way through this moment together.”

Suicide prevention is not only about what happens when someone reaches crisis point. It is also about tackling trauma, poverty, inequality, isolation and stigma. It is about creating communities where people can access compassionate support before hopelessness becomes overwhelming.Sometimes being genuinely seen, heard and supported in the present can help someone begin to imagine a future. And it is about continuing to ask the difficult questions and being prepared to stay and listen to the answer.

This World Suicide Prevention Day, we remember those we have lost.

We hold close those who have been left behind.

And we remain passionate about reaching the people who are still here.